Posted in Thailand by Natalie Reeves on 5/13/2012
My fingers cannot possibly type this blog quick enough.
Let me start at the beginning.
A couple months ago I was working in the red-light district of Chiang Mai, Thailand. Olivia and I, on our second day at the bars, were walking to meet one of the women we met the previous day. As we walked by a different one on the way to where we were headed, we heard loud giggles and looked to our right to see three young girls sitting at a table playing cards. We chuckled to each other and continued walking so we could meet our new friend. When we got to the original bar we planned to go to, our friend wasn’t there so we turned around and pretty much at the same time asked each other if we wanted to go where the three girls were.
We walked in and were greeted with more giggles and smiles. We were asked to sit down and play cards. So. We did. That day, friendships were made. Bonds were created that were maybe even borderline strange. There was something different, contagious about these girls. We didn’t understand the card game so most of it was spent laughing. We bought ourselves and them drinks, exchanged names and a bit of all of our stories, and told them we would be back to see them the next day.
We went to seem them as planned the following day, and made a date with them for the next day. We would take them to a cafe where we would eat, learn more about each other, and just be girls. We were told in the beginning to drop expectations, that we were not there to rescue each and every girl, that maybe our job would be to plant or water rather than to reap. I actually had a hard time with that in the beginning. I wanted to see fruit. It’s easier that way, right? To see the fruits of your labor, knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that you actually did something, feeling that you did something. We picked them up from the bar and on the way to the cafe we passed a carnival. Olivia asked if they would want to go and they giggled with excitement at the thought of being able to go. For some reason this stuck with us. The girls we had seen just two days before in a bar, selling their bodies, their emotions, their hope and dignity even, now excited at the thought of a carnival. Ironic, we thought.
At the cafe we just had lunch as if we were ole buddies meetin up for a date. There were again lots of laughs, lots of repeated sentences, lots of attempting to speak the other’s language with lots of failing miserably. When the date ended we took them back to the bar and were on our way. That night we had night ministry and Olivia and I went to a bar across the street to pray. We had a straight view of the lovely ladies we had just spent the day with but this time when we saw them the joy was drained from their eyes. The carefree spirits were replaced with knowing that all eyes were on them, and not in a good way. They were playing pool with old men... going through the motions. This was also really hard. Why are we seeing this? Why do they have to be living these lives? Why is there no quick fix? Am I really even doing anything for them?
Over the course of the next couple weeks, Olivia and I were able to visit the girls several more times and take them out on more dates. Often I would find myself back at the same questions. Am I really doing anything? Is there not more I can do? Our contact showed us a clip from The Lorax where he says “you can’t reap what you don’t sow.” That’s true. Someone had to sow for someone else to reap. I struggled with being totally okay with just being the one to sow, though. God had allowed me to love these girls so deeply, so quickly, and I wanted desperately to see results. That’s just not always how it works. God taught me a lot about that while we were there too, but I reckon that’s a different blog for a different day.
One day during day ministry we decided to not go to see the girls because our main english speaker was visiting her family and we thought we would take a break and just go to a bar and pray. There is a bar on the street, Carnival, and it caught our eye because of the girls. So we decided to sit in there and pray. I was facing the street and I looked up right in time to see the youngest of our girls, I would say about 15, walking hand-in-hand with an old white-haired man. Emotions rose in me that I can’t explain. My heart broke. She shouldn’t be with him. She is just a baby. What is going to happen? Then, we could have stopped this. We should have gone to the bar. If we had been there, she wouldn’t have had to go with him. The thoughts, the emotions, the questions lasted most of the day.
The more we thought and prayed about it, though, the more we knew it was just another appointment set up for us. Had we not met the first woman at the bar the first day, we would not have walked by the girls, and we would not have taken them to the cafe and driven by the carnival, and Carnival bar would not have caught our attention, and we would not have gone there and had a clear picture of her and the man walking. While it was extremely painful to see, it allowed us to love her a little deeper. To get a bit of a clearer picture of how God hurts for them. If Olivia and I, two girls who had known her for less than two weeks, were so hurt, how much did their Creator hurt for them? I can only imagine.
The king’s cousin died so the bars were closed the last Saturday we were there. We decided to have a going away party of sorts for the girls at the cafe. We all invited the girls we had gotten the closest to and two of ours came. The ministry we worked with that month was starting a program where the girls would be out of the bars, live, eat for free, and be trained in various areas to help them get on their feet with something other than prostitution. At the end of the night, right before we said goodbye, we handed them a little flyer that was a brief explanation of the program. For our entire time there, something stuck out about one specific girl we were with. We always said if she could just get out of the bar, she could do so much good. If she could use her joy and her love for the Kingdom, she could do some sick damage. As we walked away from the girls that night, I hurt. I honestly felt like I had not done enough. Like how could God ever use simply my loving on her to bring her from the bars?
Then I get an email. Today. It is a picture of our girl, the one there was just something about, with our contact from Thailand. She (and one of her friends from the bar) are no longer working in the bar. They are starting the program, continuing to learn english, and are in church. Less than two months ago I was at a buddhist temple with her watching her recite a prayer and throw eel and snails into a pond, trying to earn her luck. Now... this. I don’t know that much more can even be said.
I am so thankful to have gotten the opportunity to be a vessel in her coming out of the bar. This is such a clear reminder that God is faithful, He is Sovereign, and His ways are so much higher than ours. I did not understand how such seemingly simple acts of love could be used for a bigger purpose. He obviously had a different thing in mind. Please continue to pray for her and her friend. Satan is undoubtedly not a happy camper, and his schemes will not stop now. Pray for their hearts to be protected, for the people working at this program to be able to pour into them as needed. What a beautiful beautiful picture of grace and redemption this is. Pray that no shame would be in their thoughts, but instead that they would come to know more this grace that has so lovingly washed over them.
Lastly, thank you to all who donated. This literally would not have happened without you. The dates that enabled us to love them and grow closer to them were paid for by you. I hope you understand that you played such a vital role in this. Thank you for being our finances as we were your hands and feet. What a beautiful thing the body of Christ is when working together.
BOOYAH!!!
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Posted in Thailand by Natalie Reeves on 3/23/2012
Last night was our first night actually IN the bars. I didn't really know what to expect. Olivia and I went out with one girl in mind to see so we first went to that bar. She was already with another set of girls that is working with the organization we are partnering with this month so we sat there and had a drink (coke) anyway. We sat down at the bar next to a man who looked to be in his 60's and a young woman, I'd say early 20's. He was white. Sure sounded American. You can call me crazy... but the look in his eyes as he talked and chuckled with the girl was the look of a man who simply needed love. His wife could have died and he is lonely or maybe he is on a "business trip" while his wife is at home. To be totally honest, I don't really give a rip WHY he is there. I just care THAT he is there and THAT he is so so stinking lost. I wish you could have seen it. It's so easy to throw things out there that are just derogatory, about how he shouldn't be there and what not. But if you could have seen the look in his eyes you would say otherwise. Your heart would break for that man and the fact that he went so out of his way to come to a bar in Chiang Mai, Thailand, and get a girl. It'd break and so desire redemption for him. I left there with a heaviness that I didn't expect. I wanted to get that girl out but I wanted to get the man out just as much.
Later on in the night we went into a bar just to pray. We sat down and ordered cokes and it was an entiiiire different atmosphere than the first bar. The first one was pretty chill. The only music was a man playing a guitar and singing out in the open area. This one had music blaring so loud that you couldn't hear yourself think. Liv and I were yelling at each other and it was about the noise of a whisper. At the front of the bar where you walk in, three guys who seemed to be about college aged, were sitting with one girl. She was wearing an outfit that was sheer from the waist down. She was mainly with one of the guys, and when she went back to the bar to get him another drink, she got on all fours on top of the bar and definitely made a show of herself. I won't go into a lot of detail, but it was just this in-your-face stuff that wasn't at the first bar. On the other side of us were some older men with girls that looked as young as 16. There was such a contrast between this bar and the other. But the feelings remained the same. These people are lost. From the men who are old and seem to just want love, to the ones who are on their spring break having a grand time without a care in the world. From the women who sit in silence, barely smiling, to the ones who will do anything and everything right out in the open.
we actually got food at this bar so took advantage of being able to get water instead of coke.
it's the little things that make us happy.
Today we went back for day ministry. It turned out to be such a great opportunity to get to know the bar owners, girls, and ladyboys. We went back to one of the bars that we went to last night (not one of the ones I talked about above) and talked for a while to the bar owner. We learned a crapton about her. She is just a normal woman. She has a 16 year old daughter and a 4 month old grandson who she loves dearly and she has been working in the bar for about 10 years now. She would randomly say "it's for Buddha" or "all for Buddha" and I assumed that she was talking about her work or whatever, then about halfway through our time there she starting getting out food and pouring drinks "for Buddha" and sat them in three different places on the counter. She explained how they give Buddha food everyday for luck. She poured four drinks each for three separate places on the bar. And had plenty of food at each. For. Buddha. My mind doesn't even really wrap around that. This woman, these people, live in such deception. We got on the topic of weather (original, I know) and she talked about how she doesn't like the weather right now because the sun is out and it makes her skin tan. She hates tan skin... the whiter the prettier. That is a theme here. Whitening stuff is everywhere and in everything. Everyone wants to be white. She also mentioned that she "wasn't sexy" in what she was wearing. First... who CARES if you look sexy 24/7? It's sad that she was even concerned about it right then. There were TWO people in the bar. Me and Olivia. Second... she was wearing normal clothes. Jean shorts and a tshirt. She feels the need to dress up to look pretty. What a weight that must be. The lies that are in her mind seem to be endless. After about an hour we left her and let her know we would see her soon. We talked about going to get a manicure or going to the movies and she seemed interested but works pretty much 24/7. We are going to continue to love and build a relationship with this lovely woman. Please pray that God would open doors for us to take her out, whether that's for a day date or a night away from the bars.
We made our way to another set of bars that is on a side street off the main road. We were just walking and praying that the Spirit would lead us somewhere, and we ended up at a ladyboy bar (ladyboys are men who want to be women... they call themselves women and act, speak, talk, dress like it). There were several standing around and immediately one came up and sat us at a table. He was super nice so we asked if he wanted a drink (we buy them drinks and that is how they sit with us and chat) and he said yes so he went and got a drink and sat down. Gosh he was so dang funny and nice. A little while later he said he wanted us to meet his boss (the owner of the bar) so we bought him a drink too and he sat down and chatted with us. He worked as a ladyboy at the bars for a while before opening up his own that he was currently working at (for about 10 years now). He seemed more closed off than the others but was still friendly. Another one came up then and asked if he could sit with us so we bought him a drink too and the five of us just sat talking for a while. It was so natural. They were so so friendly and we laughed for so much of the time. One of them offered us some food and it was actually pretty good! The owner and the one that sat us left but we stayed with the last one who joined us for quite a while. We got a little Thai lesson, talked about how long he had worked there, what his life was like before, and a plethora of other things. He mentioned how he dropped out of school at 14 and couldn't read or write, then said "but at least I can do this" and ran his hands down his sides. I just wanted to scream THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU CAN DO THAN THIS! It was hard because I know there is so much more out there for them, but they just don't see it. We talked to him about going to lunch or something with us and he also seems to work around the clock. At least we were able to buy them drinks and get to know them. They wanted us to come back and of course we want to go back so we are so looking forward to getting to know them more and possibly taking them out for a day or night. Please also pray that God would open doors for that.
We are back home now and it's weird... it's like God gives us the emotional energy to "be okay" while we are there, but when we get back home we are just out. There is so much to take in, so much to process through, so many aspects of this. Do continue to pray for us as we continue to get to know and love these women and ladyboys. Pray with us that the chains of deception would shatter, that we would continue to follow where God leads us this month, be intentional with them, and really just give all of ourselves to loving them. We have less than three weeks left here. It's easy to think that not much can be accomplished in such a short period of time. But that's a load of poo. Thanks for praying.
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Posted in Thailand by Natalie Reeves on 3/22/2012
Let me set up the scene for you: it is around 9pm on a crowded street lined with bars and small street vendors. There are motorbikes parked everywhere and the smell in the air is a mix of incense from the Buddhist shrines and cigar/cigarette smoke. I am walking on the narrow sidewalk and to my left I see women. I see beautiful Thai women- they could be my friends, they could be my teammates or my sisters. They are standing there, waiting to be purchased by men, to be used for the night. To do the only kind of work they know how - sex.
The men.
They line the streets. Some walk with their friends, laughing and having a good ole time.
Some walk quickly with their heads down so as to not be so noticable.
Each time eye contact is made, an emotion runs through me that I can't quite explain. It's a bit of anger, but so much sadness and desperation for these guys that are so so lost.
In a group or alone, they approach the girls and offer them a price. Normally $12 buys them for a date at the bar and $75 buys the girl for the entire night.
Purchased for less than a tank of gas in America.
Bought for the same price as a pair of SHOES.
Watching the interaction makes me feel sick to my stomach. Seriously, this process is worth vomiting over.
Over. And over. And over, these women are sold. They are treated as objects... to buy and do whatever the purchaser wants. They don't know love, they don't know worth. They don't know they are SO valuable and so much more than objects. They just don't know... oh how I long for them to just know. To see they are so so beautiful, so loved. And so worth loving!
I gotta admit when I first heard we were coming here and were going to be working in the red light district I was like YESSSSSS!!!! I thought SO much could be done here, there are SO many girls to rescue! SO many lives to save! But this month started off with us being told to drop our expectations. ONE girl is worth so much. ONE girl shown love is SO MUCH. Just in the few short days we have been here my heart has changed and so desires even to be the love for one girl.
We are partnering with a ministry run by YWAM called Lighthouse in Action. We are spending our afternoons interceding on behalf of the girls, the ladyboys, the bar owners, and the men. Asking God to break the mental stronghold that has a hold on their lives. The one that tells them this is ALL that they can do, the one who tells them this is ALL they are good for. At night we get to enter the bars, buy one coke for us and a one for a girl. We smile, sit, and talk. No strings attached... a foreign concept to these ladies. As we listen and watch for the Spirit to direct us we also get to ask these ladies on dates! In short this means that during the day we will invite them to eat with us, walk the markets with us, go get a pedicure with us- all to just show them what they NEVER get to experience... LOVE.
I am beyond pumped to jump into this ministry. I want to love these girls SO well....I want to date these girls SO well. If 'Aoy' wants steak, I want to be able to give her steak and potatoes. If 'Euey' wants to see a movie, I want to be buy her popcorn as well. I want to be extravagant with these girls because of the One who has been extravagant with me.
I don't want money to stand in the way of being able to go on dates with these girls. My team has already had several discussions about where the money will come from to allow us to do this. We have already seen doubt planted in minds... worry that we will just have to sit back and watch because, well... we are world racers... money doesn't just grow from our chacos. But we know that God will provide and we want to give you a chance to be part of this. Also I need your prayers more than ever this month. There is a very very real demonic presence in this country. These bar owners REALLY think they are treating their girls well. No... really. These girls are trapped. They think this is all that is out there for them. We are entering into places where Satan has strongholds out of the wazzoo. Please pray for us. Pray that we would be so selfless this month, that when we run out of emotional, spiritual, physical energy, we would go to the Source to be filled. That God would go before, with, behind us as we walk into those bars. I need you guys back home.
If you would like to help me out financially this month... leave a comment, send me a message on facebook, or email me (reeves.nr@gmail.com) and I will give you more details on how to do that. If what God has for you this month is just to be my prayer warrior, AWESOME. Whatever He leads you to do... thank you.
If you would like to help me love and honor these lovely ladies well, I ask that you leave a comment, send me a message on facebook, or email me (reeves.nr@gmail.com) and let me know how much you would like to donate and I will give you more information on how to do that.
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Posted in Thailand by Natalie Reeves on 3/14/2012
Somewhere in all the craziness that I live in nowadays, I developed the idea that unless I was in a foreign country, risking my life everyday (don’t worry mom and dad, just making a point), eating rice for every meal, I wasn’t pleasing God as much as I could. I thought that if I moved back home and stayed home, I was doing less for the Kingdom than I would be if I were across the globe. In Romania I learned otherwise. I talked to a friend a lot and saw his passion for doing something he loved. In America. Not concerned about where he was, but just that he was being obedient. Through our talks I learned how prideful I was in thinking I was somehow better because I was away from home. That month I began to learn that I was striving to be someone that the world would think was awesome. Someone who would do big things and people would be like “dang look at all she is doing!” YIKES. Romania was a very humbling month for me. It wasn’t easy, but I learned that whether I’m in Arkansas or Africa, as long as I’m being obedient, I’m just where I need to be. Then in South Africa God showed me a lot about how my desire to be a wife and a mom is from Him. I don’t just “happen” to love kids. I don’t just “happen” to be passionate about adopting. I don’t just “happen” to want to be a ballin wife. Those are desires planted by my Creator. The past month or so, to go along with that other jazz, I’ve learned that being a wife and mom is enough. I don’t have to do anything big to get God’s attention or please Him. I don’t have to fly to the moon or feed every single kid on the street and picket outside for animal rights (just threw that one in there on a whim). I just have to be obedient, wherever and whatever that may mean for me.
Ya know what. I wanna cut my neighbor’s grass. I want to visit old people who are lonely. I want to invest in people who don’t normally get invested in. I want to love people who are not so lovable. I want to break chains off of people even if that just means showing them that they ARE someone over a coffee date. I want to be a wife who loves her husband and who goes alongside him and supports and grows with him. I want to be a mom who raises up children to love the Lord, who sets an example so that they someday will grow up to be godly men and women. I wanna be a rockin grandma with an awesome hubs (who will be called “grandpa” at this point) who has her grandchildren over to spend the night and who loves them more than anything (and makes sure they know it). I wanna yell obnoxiously at my kids/grandkids athletic events (or ballet recitals) and embarrass them (go to one of my brothers games to get a preview of this one). I want to love my neighbors and take them cookies (or just the cookie dough because that’s much better). I want to adopt children and love them like they came from my own womb. I want to help bring others into the freedom that I have stepped into. And that’s it (well other things too but you catch my drift). And that’s FINALLY okay with me. I don’t have to travel the world. I don’t. SO TAKE THAT! Sorry. This is just a very exciting time for me. The pressure to do something big has left. It’s gone. Hasta nunca baby. I might not ever live in a foreign country again. I might never be the 30th person in a 15 passenger van again. I may never wear a skirt everyday of my life again. Those things don’t make me a better person (they just make me really hot and kinda grouchy sometimes). God doesn’t want my sacrifices like air conditioning or peeing alone. Sure, sometimes it might require that. But if my heart isn’t in the right spot, what does all of that even matter? I might just live in the states and be the best dang wife and mom I can be. And if that is the case, that will be enough.
BOOYAH!!!!
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Posted in Swaziland by Natalie Reeves on 3/3/2012
“My name is Busisiwe.”
That was enough for me. I knew it wasn’t a coincidence that I was led to another Busi in another country. It was the Lord that led me and I was gonna make dang well sure to invest in this sweet lady. That was two and a half weeks ago. Today I’m sitting at outside where she lived mourning the death of my new friend. Just a week ago we were watching a movie together. On the other days I painted her fingernails and bought her her favorite chocolate. We were partners in cards... AND we won :). I just didn’t see this coming.
February 17. We went to Hope House for the first time. I didn’t know what to expect. We were told that this was a rehabilitation/care center for those suffering from things like aids, cancer, and tb. Each person gets their own little house on the complex where they can live with their family and a caregiver. My first thought was “Oh crap, I am really bad at small talk. What will I say?” After we had an informational meeting with one of the women that works there, we split into groups and were off. I went with Karaline and Glenn and we went to a couple houses for about 10 minutes each. It was honestly kind of awkward at first. I’m not kidding when I say I’m not good at small talk. I usually just smile awkwardly and the only questions that come to mind are “how are you?” and “what is your name?” ...original, eh? After the first couple houses I suggested we go to house A (they are all numbered or lettered). In we walked and a very very skinny lady was lying in bed. I greeted the caregiver and walked up to the lady. After I asked how she was doing, I asked her name. “My name is Busisiwe.” I immediately knew this was the house where I was supposed to be. We talked for a few more minutes until we had to leave. Before we headed out I asked her if I could pray for her and she said yes and said that her left hand was paralyzed and that we could pray for it. I held her hand and prayed and told her that I would love to visit her again if that would be fine with her. She said yes and as we walked out I knew she was who I needed to invest in throughout my time in Swaziland. I fell in love with Busisiwe in South Africa and although it may seem like it to others, I knew in my heart that it was not by chance that I walked into her house that day.
I left Hope House that day with my little Busi on my heart, and also my new friend Busi. We went to the mall to grab some lunch and get on the internet and as I paid at the counter, I looked at the name tag of the woman checking me out. Yup. It was Busisiwe. I actually chuckled to myself. I thought “Okay God I get it. You want me to remember Busi. Done and done.”
Friday and Tuesday are our days for Hope House but on Monday some girls from the other team we are living with this month wanted to go into town and asked if any from my team wanted to go. They were going to Hope House so I said yes. When we got there Linsey, Amanda, and I went to Busi’s. We talked more about her life. When she told us she was 30 years old I couldn’t believe it. I would never have guessed, by how sad her little body looked, that she was just a young 30 years. The average life expectancy here is 35 but I guess until I saw that people were seriously dying that young, it didn’t hit me. Her caregiver is her sister-in-law and was very friendly as well so we had a good time. We brought cards and asked if she wanted to play. We played war but since one of her hands is paralyzed, I held the cards and she flipped them. We won and then we played spades and Amanda showed her a magic trick. She wasn’t very talkative but she seemed to really enjoy it and when we asked if we could come back she said yes and her caregiver told us that they loved it when we came.
Tuesday we were back again. This time with nail polish! Woohoo! We had asked the day before if she would want her nails painted and she said yes so we brought red. When I told her that I brought it she lit up and I wheeled her over to the table and painted her nails. I painted her left hand first and as I painted the nails of those limp fingers my heart broke. It seems so small, it’s just a hand. But to lose the use of even one hand is so big. I was so glad that I was able to do something simple like paint her nails for her. Her caregiver wanted hers painted too so she sat beside me and I did hers too. Then another lady came in and sat beside me and plopped her feet on my lap and told me to do hers. It made for a good laugh. The lady whose toenails I painted asked us if we had any sweets (candy) so we got to talking about that and I asked Busi what her favorite was. She said chocolate so I promised that I would bring her some next time I saw her. We whipped out the cards again and played go fish and I held the cards again while she chose which card to ask for. When we left we asked if she would want to play cards next time we came or watch a movie. She said she would like to watch a movie and the cards seemed to wear her out sometimes so the movie seemed like a good relaxing idea.
Friday I went to see her again with some of the group. I took her chocolate and Lindsay asked her what movie she wanted to watch. We decided on Fame so set up the computer and got it going. About halfway through she said her feet were hurting so she needed to get in bed but that she didn’t want us to go, so we set the movie up on a chair near her. I sat in the floor near her bed and we finished the movie. We chatted some more then left and I told her I would be back to see her Tuesday. In my journal that night I wrote about how I have grown to love her and hope she knows that she is not just some person that we pity so continue to visit. It’s usually hard for me to really invest in places like that because I’m not sure what to say, but God made it so clear to me that I was to really focus on Busi while I was there. Each time I left her I was more excited to see her the next time.
On Tuesday, Linsey, Karaline, Jessica, and I walked to her house and knocked as usual. I didn’t hear the usual “come in!” so I knocked again. Nothing. I began to get worried. We looked in the windows and it was dark and empty. My heart dropped and Karaline asked me if I wanted her to go with me to ask where Busi was. We walked to the office to try and find someone that could help us. We found a man that said he worked there and when we asked about her he said that “her condition took a bad turn” and that she had been screaming and hallucinating. They had moved her to a hospital. I knew in my heart that this probably meant to die but I held on to the hope that she would pull through. I told him that I had visited her several times and asked if he could tell me what exactly was wrong with her. He said that she had tb and hiv. I left that day thinking so much just about life. She is 30! Lying in a hospital dying. Probably getting minimal care. I know there is evil in the world. I know that “life isn’t fair.” But when it comes to someone you have grown to love, it REALLY doesn’t seem fair.
Today, Friday, when we got here we immediately went to the office to see if we could get an update on Busi. We found the same man and he said that she didn’t make it. She died yesterday morning. I walked out of the office before he even finished talking to us. I couldn’t hold back the tears and to be really honest, I was angry. Why would God lead me to someone and allow me to love them if He was just going to take them from me? And the fact that her name was Busi just added an extra sting. This is the second Busi that has been taken from me in the last three months, this time by death. I walked alone around the complex for a while. So many emotions and questions ran through my mind. The main question was “why?” and I wondered if there was a way I could have loved her better. I asked her if she was a Christian, but should I have asked more? Is there more I could have said to make very very certain that she was a believer? What if she thought she was a charity case? Why why why would God allow me to love her then take her from me? I was sad. Angry. I wanted to tell her that I really did love her and get so much joy out of going to see her. That she blessed me just as much as I blessed her. But I couldn’t. I guess I was naive enough to think that since she was at Hope House, she was getting better, not worse. As I sit here, tears are rolling down my cheeks. I don’t really have much else to say. Just that my heart is broken over Busi, who didn’t ever really even get a chance at life. 30 is so young. America or Swaziland, no one should suffer and die at 30 years old. Oh we take so much for granted.
Now my little Busi in South Africa has an even bigger place in my heart. It is so evident that the Lord planned all along for me to fall in love with her. If I never had, I might have just skipped over Busi here in Swazi. But since I loved her, God was able to get my attention and confirm that He wanted me to focus on this specific woman at Hope House. Regardless of my questions, regardless of my brokenness, I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to love her. Looking back I see that I was able to give her somewhat of a normal past couple weeks of life, even if just two or three days a week. God wanted me to love on her, and I did. I didn’t expect this ending but I wouldn’t trade my time with her for anything.
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Posted in Mozambique by Natalie Reeves on 2/6/2012
Travel days always make for an interesting time. Whether it’s by taxi, shoppa, ferry, bus, train, plane, troofie, mototaxi, or van, there is always a number of things that make you question whether or not this is real life. About a month ago my squad traveled from South Africa to Mozambique, and I decided to record every time that we stopped for something. If this blog isn’t proof that world race travel days are craycray, I don’t know what will.
Also, I have some pretty rad pictures of all this, but they currently will not upload. Sad day.
January11
10:30a: My team leaves our ministry location in Johannesburg to meet the rest of our squad at the bus station. We trek off with a few of our new friends and a few of our sweet kids that we just have to have for a little extra time before saying our goodbyes.
We get to the bus station and I carry Busi around with me the entire time. After we said our hellos to the rest of the squad we decide to get something to eat. I feed Busi while I eat, and during the middle of it she decides it would be a good idea to pee on the clothes that I will be wearing for the next (over) two days straight. Closest pair of clean clothes? Bottom of my bag. Hello pee clothes.
The original plan was to leave the bus station at six that night. Then it was changed to three.
4:00p : We leave at 4... on three different smaller bus/van type things. Luggage was on an open trailer thing hitched to the back. It’s just our whole lives in those bags. No big deal.
6:57p: Pull over for dinner at Steers in who-knows-where South Africa. Over half the squad waits in ONE line to get food. Before we head back out, we play a nice friendly game of red rover.
8:00p: Leave Steers and head for the Swaziland/South Africa border
9:50p: We arrive at the border. Mind you we just drove like maniacs to get there because we only had 20 minutes before the border closed for the night. Then we hit a foggy patch where we literally couldn’t see anything. Needless to say, the last 20 minutes or so of that ride were interesting.
January12
1:00a: We leave the border and start the visa process to get into Mozambique
6:45a: After almost 6 hours of sleeping outside, sleeping inside, chasing goats, and being told by the border people that we can’t make silly faces in our pictures, we finally are done with the visas and enter Mozambique.
8:10a: We arrive to the “bus station” in Maputo. We are thinking that we are going to get on another bus and head to our locations. NOT. The busses end up being way too expensive so we pray that the guys that currently have us will continue on with us.
8:43a: The guys agree to take us further (booyah) so we continue on in the same vehicles.
9:07a : We stop at one of the ministry locations for the month. Two teams are staying there but we all unpack and eat lunch and wait for the other bus to take the rest of the teams on their way.
12:46p : The rest of the teams (mine included) leave for Beira. We had 24 people and all of our big packs and day packs on a 26 passenger van. I dare you to try it.
1:00p: Stop for gas. The bus van thing starts shaking. “Why?” you ask? Well because they wanted to shake it so they could get 100 liters of gas in a 90 liter tank, of course.
1:31p: We get pulled over. No worries, just pay the popo.
1:37p: We stop because the luggage falls on top of the people that are sitting in the back seat.
1:53p : Luggage is retied. On the road again we go.
3:28p: Pulled over again. No worries, just pay the popo.
4:24p: Stop for random passport check. Insert men with big guns.
4:49p: Bathroom/food stop.
5:14p : On the road again. I just can’t wait to get on the road again.
5:21p: Stop again. As far as I can tell, we just stop so some guys can ask to get in with us. Fail.
6:08p: Stop again. Once again, as far as I can tell, we just stop so people can try and sell us food.
8:16p : The van dies. It may or may not be due to an unnamed honorary brother named Nick who unplugged the battery that was just hanging out in a hole in the floor of the van.
8:20p: The battery gets put back in. Great success.
8:22p: We stop at a gas station/hotel/restaurant. We are hoping to stay in the hotel for a night but it ends up being too expensive so we eat at the restaurant and take a potty break.
10:08p: We leave that gas station/hotel/restaurant and head to the toll road (that closes at 9p and doesn’t open until 4a)
January13
1:56a: Our vanbus sees a rather large bus coming. It seems that our only option is to swerve off the road as they pass us. Yep.
2:07a : My life flashes before my eyes as we hit a pothole the size of the grand canyon.
2:30a: We arrive at the toll. Some of us get out, some stay in. Some bring packs out of the vanbus to lay on. I was unable to sleep but was entertained with squadmates by catching a huge bug in a toothpaste bottle, watching the men dance and sing on the semi that was parked in front of us, watching peoples heads hang out of the vehicle as they slept, and a plethora of other things.
5:26a: The toll is open so we wake up, pack up, and get goin.
6:42a: Bathroom break. This time when the people are selling food outside our window, we accept. Hello team cashews. Mm mm good.
7:03a: Bathroom break: over. Back on the road.
7:28a: Another grand canyon pothole. I feel I should add that when I mention a pothole, it is because it is a particularly gigantic one. Normal potholes were a part of our adventure at least every thirty seconds.
8:57a: Bathroom break (because of me... oops)
9:13a: On the road again.
9:15a: Bus dies.
9:17a : Bus is alive.
9:41a: We hear a noise that is evidence of a problem with our vanbus. Ope. The tailpipe fell. We pull over to tie it back up.
9:48a: Tailpipe surgery went well. Head em up move em out.
11:43a: We drop the other two teams off at their ministry location.
12:06p: We are the last team left. We leave the other teams and head to our place (with an extra guy).
12:18p: Pull over on the side of the road. The guy from the last stop gets out and makes a phone call because none of us know where we are going.
12:20p: A man with a world race shirt on gets on our van. He is our CONTACT! Wham bam thank you maam. We drive a little ways down the road and (a short 50 hours from the time we started) are home sweet home!!!!
This is my life.
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Posted in South Africa by Natalie Reeves on 1/9/2012
Faye is a sweet sweet little three year old that lives at the orphanage we are working at this month. When she was just a baby, she was abandoned. In a plastic bag. In a field. She has cerebral palsy and I’m not sure if that was determined before she was abandoned or not. The point is, she is here. She is a three year old who crawls on her knees while her friends run and play. Who gets fed as her friends feed themselves. Who watches others color while she has trouble just holding a crayon. Somehow, as many of these stories as I hear and see, it doesn’t get easier. It doesn’t get easier to watch children suffer. I know that God is still in total control, even in these situations. But that doesn’t stop the heartbreak.
It’s our second to last day here now and she has chicken pox. Sam and Eilidh were in one of the children’s rooms putting them to bed and I had a question for Eilidh so I headed that way. I assumed that they were mostly asleep but as I was walking to the room, I saw Faye lying on the couch. She has been there most of the day, resting, sleeping on and off. She was still there because they weren’t sure if she would sleep since she already had for part of the day. I asked if I could put her to bed and was told yes. I picked her up and her body was burning up. I carried her to her bed and snuggled up with her. I rested her head on my arm and leaned her sick little body onto mine. At first she just sucked and sucked on her passy as she cried. I sang to her and prayed over her and stroked her face. She started sucking her passy slower and slower until it stopped altogether and she started breathing heavily. She was out. She twitched every now and then and started the sucking again but it never lasted for more than a couple seconds.
As she slept in my arms I was filled with so much love. A bit of anger was in there too, at the fact that this precious child was abandoned... left for dead. But so much joy knowing that God sent ME here for this time and gave me the opportunity to cuddle her, let her fall asleep in my arms, whisper to her how priceless and loved and beautiful she is, and pray for her. Pray that one day she would have a momma and daddy who love her more than she can even fathom and who will raise her up in a godly home. Pray that as I am not able to do this anymore, God will keep providing people who will, and that even He will whisper into her soul how absolutely valuable she is.
We had planned a sleepover in one of the rooms so when I left Faye, I went to put my stuff in a different room, and went and got the little one who has stolen my heart, Busi. I once again played Momma and got to cuddle her all night and sing her to sleep and pray over her. I would come back to adopt her in a heartbeat but I will see where the Lord leads me. Just for a moment, though, I was set. I had my babygirl with me. I'm leaving part of my heart behind when I leave here, but I'm leaving hopeful. Hopeful that if God doesn't have me come back here to adopt, it's only because He has something better for me. This month, as I said in one of my last blogs, has reawakened my desire to be a mom and shown me that it's a desire planted by God Himself. I'm leaving here with a hole in my heart, but a hole that I know will be filled and then some by the time God is done with me.
For now, I'm just beyond thankful for the opportunities that I have been given to love these precious children.
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Posted in South Africa by Natalie Reeves on 1/7/2012
South Africa has completely stolen my heart. When I leave in a couple days I will be leaving a piece of it behind, but I'm not quite sure that God is done with me here. I want to catch you all up at some point, but in the meantime, Stephanie - my ever-so-talented teammate - put together this video about our time here.
So pop some popcorn, kick those tennies off, grab that icecold dr. pepper outta the fridge, put your arm around your honey, put your feet up on the coffee table, turn the lights down and the volume up, grab a box of kleenex (because if you are anything like me you will cry through the entire thing), and watch this splendid video about SOUTH AFRIIIICAAAA!!!!
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Posted in South Africa by Natalie Reeves on 12/30/2011
The word
MOMMY
does something to me. It does something to the deepest places of my heart. It gives me a tingly feeling, almost like butterflies (but a buttload of them) and makes my innards dance.
It’s the same thing that happens when Laurel falls asleep in my arms.
The same thing that happens when Busi is sick and cries herself to sleep on my chest.
The same as when little Adrian chants my name every time he sees me.
The same as when any of the babies hearts beat against mine as they nap on me.
The same thing that happens when Kiran walks in the room and sees his mom and says cheerfully “hey mommy!”
The same as when Grady is crying so I pick him up and he grins so big at me then lays his head on my shoulder.
I can’t really put into words what it does to me.
I’ve always loved kids. When I was uhhh in 7th grade, however old you are in 7th grade, I went to an orphanage for the first time and my heart broke... but I fell in love. I went back 4 more times and every time I left, a piece of my heart was left there. I always thought I cared too much, or I just told myself that I thought the kids were really cute and that’s why I loved it.
But that love never stopped. I have always said I wanted to adopt. But again I just figured I “happened” to really like kids. Don’t a lot of people really like kids? But this month God is showing me new things. He is telling me that the desire to be a mom isn’t one I got by chance. He is telling me to quit pushing those longings back in and brushing them off. That the desire is from HIM.
And He very well plans to use it
IF
I surrender.
EVERYTHING.
About a week ago, on the way home from the market, God said to me...
“Surrender it ALL.”
He screamed the “all” part and then showed me that I say “I’ll surrender it all to you, AS LONG AS...”
He said that “as long as” part has got. to. go.
That sentence up there is usually ended with “as long as I get to move back home with my family.” Then when He said to surrender it all I thought
Surely He won’t have me relocate away from my family?
Certainly not halfway across the world.
And all I got was
SURRENDER.
So.
I surrendered.
I surrendered my wonderful wonderful parents who have been a huge part in making me the woman
I am today, and who are my biggest supporters.
My brothers who are absolutely hilarious and are my best friends.
My comforts of America.
My worldly possessions.
Because I want to be used by the God who has called me by name to serve Him
And I can only be used when I am fully surrendered to Him.
He is speaking to me a lot this month, and like I said earlier, showing me that my desire to be a mommy is from Him. Fully surrendering is painful. It's hard, and it's taking a huge step into the unknown. But honestly, it's a beautiful place. I was talking the other day with one of my dear new friends, Eilidh, about what the future may hold. And the thing is, it's not my choice. I have no power over it. I am just called to surrender, listen to the Lord, and He is going to lead me where He wants me.
He’s gonna fulfill my desires, in fact, He is gonna blow me away. Call me crazy, but it’s been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember to be the mom to a big multicultural family. I used to think I was
just crazy, now I know God specifically placed that in me.
So here I am. In South Africa. Surrendering and listening to the Lord. Fighting at times asking Him to not put me away from my family. But He always reminds me that it is only in surrendering that I can fulfill
my purpose and find true joy. I'm waiting on Him.
And I know that somewhere along the path He is going to give me my own set of rowdy, precious, hilarious kids. And somewhere along the path, I am going to have my own little voices saying
MOMMY
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Posted in Romania by Natalie Reeves on 11/27/2011
are you aware that thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people died today?
are you also aware that thousands upon thousands of those thousands upon thousands upon thousands went to hell?
are you aware that hell is real? that it's not some distant reality for people? it's not a place that just sucks.
it's a place of
torture
FOREVER
burning
FOREVER
weeping
FOREVER
darkness
FOREVER
hopelessness
FOREVER
separation from God
FOREVER
and it comes EVERYDAY for a COUNTLESS amount of people.
are you okay with this?
no really. are you?
because the fact that you wake up in the morning
go to church if it's sunday
tear up in a commercial or two that has orphans in it
are overly concerned with things that are in actuality about as important as what color i paint my toenails
and call it day
shows me that you ARE.
i just can't help but wonder what change the world would see if you started to REALLY care.
ya know...
do something about it.
ask the Lord what He wants from you to reach these people
...LISTEN
then OBEY.
He would answer you. oh trust me on that one. He would answer. but maybe that's why we don't ask??
because we know there is more.
i don't know what this means for you.
does it mean going? does it mean sending?
all i know is it means something more than sitting on your butt doing nothing for the people that are dying.
don't go all crazy on me and put on your batman costume from 4th grade.
i just want you to realize there is MORE
ask God for His EYES and His HEART for the nations
because really...
did you DO anything to deserve salvation?
NOPE.
did you deserve to be pulled from the pit?
NOPE.
isn't that the beauty of it though?
so why are we okay with not sharing that?
obeying the Lord will be painful sometimes
and it sure as heck won't be easy
but He sure as heck didn't promise an easy life to believers.
am i sounding rude right now?
i'm really not trying to.
it's just that
people are DYING.
LOST people are DYING.
LOST people are DYING EVERYDAY.
and YOU can help CHANGE this
...and when you turn a blind eye
not only are THEY missing out on the joy of KNOWING our Savior
YOU are missing out on the joy of SERVING our Savior.
so think about it.
no.
don't think about it. i think you've thought about it enough.
DO SOMETHING.
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